Don’t Wait Until You Break Your Neck to Decide to be Happy!

The most important day of my life was the day I broke my neck.

The world changed. Every decision I made after that day was different than it would have been, had it not happened.

You grow up hearing, “Don’t do that—you’ll break your neck!” You hear about people diving into pools, and the horror of being a quadriplegic.

And here I was. I had broken my neck.

I was alive and I wasn’t paralyzed.

How had I gotten to this point in my life? How had I gotten to this emergency room, with a cervical fracture, and my favorite sundress, forever gone, cut off of me when I first arrived?

I woke up with two thoughts: Why I was sleeping in the middle of the day? And why the hell is the back of my head hurting so badly? I heard voices and realized I was surrounded by many people. A sharp object was exploring my foot and leg. Voices. “Can you feel this?” “Yes,” I told them. Then I asked if I could have a pillow because the back of my head hurt badly, and I received a startling reply.

“You were in a car accident. You broke your neck.”

I lifted my arms to feel my face. I had heard “broken neck,” but instinctively, I reached to see if my face was damaged. I was relieved as my hands felt smoothness. Ah, vanity.

My mind began sluggishly reviewing. The last thing I remembered was bringing a glass of iced tea toward my mouth. Then, a flash of another memory: very gentle hands holding my head, hands that may have saved my life. I learned that my companion’s shoulder was damaged, but he had no other injuries. The driver of the other vehicle, the boy who had sped through the red light, was not hurt.

Our vehicle was totaled.

When there is no paralysis, you still run the risk of the cracked vertebra shifting and damaging the spinal cord. In my case, the second vertebra was cracked. It was important for me to stay very still until they could create the brace and “halo” I would wear for the next two and a half months.

I spent the next two days, waiting…Waiting for the brace, waiting for my parents, waiting to get out of the hospital. And while I waited, I thought.

Lying there for two days, keeping as still as I could, so that I didn’t mess up my good fortune, I thought.

Throughout the drilling into my skull to insert the screws that would hold the apparatus in place, through the fear, the relief, and the realization that I had messed up my life so far, I continued to think.

I then made an important decision that has impacted my life everyday since. I decided I was going to be happy.

I had not been happy for a very long time. And now, I was going to turn things around. There was a reason I was still alive. There was a reason I was not paralyzed. I was going to change my life.

But honestly, I did not know how to myself happy. I was living with a person who didn’t love me and was selfish and unkind. It was a destructive relationship that I had stayed in out of desperation. My self-esteem was at an all-time low.

I have to go back a bit to tell of the path that led me to this turning point, my “quantum moment,” at the age of twenty-one.

I grew up in Michigan, always feeling an aching, a calling to me of something that I couldn’t name. I was always torn between a desire to run away and a longing for safety and home.

My first two years of college were spent first at Central Michigan, and then at Eastern Michigan. I liked learning but was never content. It was there, in Ypsilanti, Michigan, that I met Rick. I cannot count the number of times that I wished that I had never met him. But then, if I could, would I go back and change anything? I have read too many imaginative books about time travel. Any change you make, even the smallest, tiniest change can change the course of history. So, sadly, even if I could go back, I wouldn’t change any of the choices I made.

At the age of twenty, I dropped out of school to travel across the United States with a girlfriend. I was searching, but I didn’t know for what or why. I spent the next ten months traveling. It was incredible, but I did not find what I was looking for. We ended our trip in New Mexico, where Rick now lived, and there began a very sad period of my life.

I loved New Mexico. The heat, the air, the mysterious mountains, and the flat, dust-blown areas–all of those things I loved. I thought I loved Rick. I wanted him to love me.

The story of my life in New Mexico could be a whole book, and there certainly is not time for it here. Suffice it to say, I spent some of my unhappiest days there. I longed for happiness, respect and love. I longed for someone who I could respect and admire. I did not have any of that, and my heart aches for my younger self now. I foolishly moved to Garland, Texas, with Rick, for lack of anything better to do. He imagined his fortune awaited him there.

Don’t ask.

I immediately found a waitress job and Rick, as usual, didn’t find work. Five months after we had moved to Texas, as he talked yet again about some ridiculous money-making scheme, I realized that I could never stay with this man. I prayed that night to God to help me get out of this. I was desperate. I needed help. I needed salvation.

Little did I know in what form help would arrive. The very next day, as I sunbathed at the pool, I met someone nice and spent the day with him while Rick was god knows where. He invited me to go to his mom’s the next day for Mother’s Day. I shrugged, and thought, what the heck. I’m not sure what I told Rick when I left the next day.

Lying in my hospital bed, I thought, this is it. This is my wake-up call, the answer to my prayer. I don’t know why I am still living, but I have been given another chance to get my act together. There is a reason I am still alive.

I need to find out why.

The decision to be happy impacted all decisions after that. I still made stupid choices but never stayed with a boyfriend who didn’t treat me properly or who told me what to do.

I pushed myself, supported myself, and finished school. I became an elementary school teacher and I loved teaching.

I fell in love with Eric. We have been so happy together. I know he was one of the reasons I was supposed to live. I was supposed to share my life with him. When each of my three children was born, I thought, “Here is another reason I was supposed to stay.”

The most important decision I made was to quit drinking. Alcohol had always been a part of my life. I realized it was the last thing standing in my way of happiness and meaning. That day, the day I broke my neck, was huge. I live with the scars on my forehead from the screws. I have never considered plastic surgery. They are a reminder of my “life plan.”

I have a happy marriage, three remarkable children, and a life of freedom, love and respect. All the things I knew I wanted, and somehow could not achieve until I saw how quickly everything can change. How quickly I could lose my life.

I want my life to matter, and I have spent the last thirty years since the accident trying to make sure it does. I have taught children how to be happy and encouraged them to lives of meaning. I became a Life Coach and I use what I have learned to help others. I try to be forgiving when I am hurt. I do my best to “do the right thing.”

Recently I heard Wayne Dyer say, “Don’t die with the music still inside you.” I thought, “I am so happy that I didn’t!” I am spending my life living and hearing the music.

What kind of person would have I have been if I hadn’t experienced this trauma? I will never know. But I do feel, in my heart, that I am far better person than I would ever have been, if I hadn’t broken my neck.

Don’t wait to choose happiness.

Really. Don’t wait.

Choose happiness right now.

Diana Fletcher (c) 2009

Stay Here! It Can be Really Relaxing!

Here is a wonderful stress reducing strategy:

(Warning: It can work really, really well but can be difficult to do.)

*IT IS definitely worth it!

You need to force yourself to be totally in the present.

I say force because that is actually what you have to do. After awhile, you will be able to do it more easily, but in the beginning, your mind will want to run away. Your mind will not want to sit still for you!

Reading this article, be right here. Do not think about what you will do next or what you just finished doing.

Be totally here, reading every word and understanding every word.

Not so easy, but doesn’t it feel good? You can feel yourself relaxing if you totally focus on right now.

Take a deep breath in through your nose as you close your eyes. Think about how good it feels to fill your lungs with oxygen. Imagine the oxygen being delivered to every cell and every part of your body.

Now, breathe out through your mouth. Blow the air out, to totally empty all the stale air that was lingering inside you.

Feel how good your life is right now, in this minute, in this second.

Breathe.

Be in the moment.

Aaahhh. The present is all you have.

Enjoy it.

Obesity, Irony, and Addiction

Oh, the irony. Today’s Pittsburgh Post Gazette: Front page—huge article entitled, “Obesity costs emerge as a major concern” and tucked within the usual assortment of ads, one page jumps out at me: The McDonald’s ad featuring pictures of huge burgers, shakes, some sort of coffee drink and some frosted other thing that I cannot really describe except as a sweet, fat-filled yucky thing people pretend is breakfast or a “coffee break” snack.

Oh, and, how nice of them—coupons for buy one, get one free, and the announcement that many McDonald’s are open 24 hours. You mean we can get all this at anytime? Cool!

I do not eat at fast food places. I do not know what some of these things are. I am a vegetarian, so I am unclear on a couple of these items. I do know this, however: These foods are made with fat, salt and sugar and to the people who eat them, they all taste really, really good. They do. People like them because they taste good.

There are a lot of people who are addicted because of the taste, the ease of getting their fix, and the prevalence and acceptance of these “food” items in our society. It isn’t just McDonald’s, of course.

It is the food industry. To quote Arun Grupa, editor of the Indypendent newspaper in New York City (www.indypendent.org), in his article entitled, “The Bacon Bomb”, “…The entire food industry has refined the science of processing the cheap commodities pumped out by agribusiness into addictive foods that represent far more than sustenance.”

According to David Kessler in “The End of Overeating,” the food industry has honed in on the ‘three points of the compass’— fat, salt, and sugar.

So I look at this ad, shake my head, and I do feel sad for the addicts. This is serious addiction.

I feel a lot of sympathy for people and that is one of the main reasons I became a Life Coach who specializes in Stress Reduction and Health Issues.

Some of these people have come to me for help in my coaching business. Many people share stories with me about problems with their health, and I truly feel bad for people. I try to help them to see how they can make different choices in their daily lives.

I have different feelings sometimes, too. Anger. I feel angry that people choose to live in a way that harms them and harms their children. These choices put a limit on how happy and healthy they can be.

They choose these limits. We all choose our addictions, and this addiction is no different than addictions to alcohol, drugs, or gambling. It is sneaky and sordid and ultimately, life threatening.

I feel especially sad and angry about the children. This is a sore point for me. I want to help adults, and I do, but I am hoping that by helping them, they in turn will help their children.

These are some of the quotes from the article written by Ed Blazina of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Sunday, August 2nd, 2009:

• “The issues converged last week when a national study estimated the cost of obesity at $147 billion annually, nearly double what it was 10 years ago.”

• “‘If obesity was an infectious disease, it would be an epidemic,’ said Dr. Daniel Bessesen, professor of medicine at the University of Colorado at Denver and chief of endocrinology at the Denver Health Medical Center.”

• “The CDC estimates nearly 40 percent of American adults are considered obese based on their body mass index….That extra weight frequently leads to additional health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and pulmonary difficulties.”

• “Kathleen Sebelius, U.S. Health & Human Services secretary told the conference [Inaugural Weight of the Nation conference], she’s particularly concerned about obese children. Statistics compiled by the CDC show that 25 percent of obese children stay obese as adults and have a raft of serious health problems. ‘If there was an epidemic of little kids getting cancer, it would be a national crisis,” Ms. Sebelius said. “But because it’s obesity and the damage doesn’t come until later in life, we’ve been slow to act. We can’t ignore this problem any longer.”

So, here’s the thing. How do you break an addiction?

1. Recognize that it is a problem. Own the problem. Do not blame it on anyone or anything else. State out loud that you make the choices that got you into trouble.

2. Write down what you want your life to look like. Really think about how you would like it to be.

3. Get help. There are support groups for every addiction, including Overeating. Ask friends for help, go to your church, and look online for groups that can support you. Hire help if you can afford it: A counselor, a coach, etc. Many insurance plans will cover some of this, but there is help out there for free if you look.

4. Take one day at a time. You didn’t get to this point overnight. It will take awhile to change your habits.

5. Change your lifestyle. Look at how you are doing things. Look at who you spend time with and what you spend your time doing.You can change, and it will take work, but it is worth it.

This is an addiction.

This is your life.

I am not trivializing addiction or obesity related problems.

This is serious.

This is important.

How good do you want your life to be?